Help a child with ADHD by creating structured routines, giving clear and simple instructions, using positive reinforcement, and supporting emotional regulation. Provide movement breaks, use visual aids, and collaborate with teachers. Support should focus on understanding, consistency, and empathy—not punishment or strict discipline.
The Full Answer
If you’re raising or supporting a child with ADHD, you’re likely navigating a mix of emotions from deep love and fierce protectiveness to moments of frustration, confusion, or even self-doubt. You might wonder how best to help them at home, how to support them in school, or simply how to get through the day when everything feels like a struggle.
ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) can affect how a child focuses, manages their energy, and controls their impulses. But it doesn’t mean your child isn’t trying or that you’re doing anything wrong. In fact, with the right understanding, support, and a few practical strategies, children with ADHD can thrive at home, in school, and beyond.
In this article, we’ll walk through how ADHD shows up in children (especially boys and younger children). For more information about how symptoms are assessed for ADHD diagnosis, you may like to read our article DSM-5 ADHD.
If your child has not yet received a diagnosis, we offer private ADHD assessment to those in London, Oxford and surrounding areas. how to support them without relying solely on medication, and how to manage tricky behaviour in a way that’s calm, compassionate, and consistent. We’ll also explore what not to do and when it might be time to seek additional support.
Whether you’re just beginning to explore the possibility of ADHD or you’re already on a care pathway, we hope this guide offers helpful, judgement-free advice that makes things feel a little clearer – and a little lighter.
Understanding ADHD in Children
ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects how children regulate attention, activity levels, and impulse control. It isn’t about laziness, bad parenting, or being “naughty”, it’s a recognised medical condition that can impact how children behave, learn, and interact with others.
What Is ADHD and How Does It Affect Boys and Girls?
ADHD is often divided into three presentations:
- Primarily inattentive – more daydreamy, easily distracted, forgetful
- Primarily hyperactive-impulsive – very active, impulsive, talks a lot
- Combined presentation – showing traits of both
It’s more commonly diagnosed in boys, partly because hyperactivity tends to stand out more in classroom settings. Girls may be more likely to show inattentive traits like struggling to follow instructions, being disorganised, or zoning out, which can be overlooked or mislabelled as shyness or anxiety.
Understanding these differences is important so that all children receive the right support, not just those who are more outwardly energetic.
Recognising ADHD Symptoms in Younger Children (Including 5-Year-Olds)
In younger children, signs of ADHD may include:
- Constant movement or fidgeting
- Difficulty sitting still during meals or stories
- Interrupting frequently or speaking out of turn
- Seeming not to listen when spoken to
- Struggling to play calmly or follow routines
- Big emotional reactions to small frustrations
It’s normal for all children to show some of these behaviours from time to time but if they’re happening often and getting in the way of learning, friendships, or daily life, it may be worth exploring further.
Can an ADHD Child Have a Normal Life?
Absolutely. ADHD may bring challenges, but it also comes with creativity, energy, curiosity, and resilience. With the right support at home, in school, and through therapeutic strategies, children with ADHD can do well socially, emotionally and academically.
Increasingly, many adults who have managed to achieve ‘normal’ lives including marriage, family and successful careers are only now being diagnosed with ADHD, often due to recognising their diagnosed child’s ADHD traits within themselves. However, its important to note that it’s exactly because on the face of it, these adults’ lives appeared ‘normal’ that they did not receive access to support they would have greatly benefited from.
Adults with ADHD who were not diagnosed as children are at greater risk of co-occurring conditions such as anxiety, depression and low self-esteem [1], which in themselves can become barriers to forging healthy and rewarding ‘normal’ personal and professional lives. For this reason, it is unhelpful to avoid getting a diagnosis for your child in the hope that not having a label for their condition will give your child a better chance of a ‘normal’ life.
Leading a “normal life” doesn’t mean having to suppress who people are. It means helping them understand themselves, develop self-confidence, and learn tools to manage the world around them on their own terms.
What ADHD Children Need Most
Supporting a child with ADHD isn’t about “fixing” them, it’s about creating the right conditions for them to flourish. While structure and discipline have their place, what ADHD children need most is a blend of support, consistency, compassion and connection.
Support, Structure and Understanding
Children with ADHD often know what they should be doing but they struggle to access that part of the brain in the moment. Their difficulties with attention, impulse control or following instructions aren’t usually deliberate. Responding with repeated punishments can create shame and frustration, rather than progress.
Instead, they need clear routines, predictable boundaries, and adults who understand their brain works differently. Visual schedules, gentle reminders, and realistic expectations go much further than shouting or sanctions ever will.
Helping Them Feel Safe, Capable and Valued
Many children with ADHD hear constant corrections – “Sit still.” “Stop interrupting.” “You’re not listening.” Over time, this can affect their confidence and self-esteem. That’s why it’s so important to notice and name what they’re doing well, even if it’s small.
Making a child feel safe, respected and understood gives them a foundation to build on. They’re far more likely to try again if they feel that effort is seen and celebrated.
The Role of Emotional Regulation and Co-Regulation
Children with ADHD often struggle to manage big emotions – not because they don’t care, but because their brains can become overwhelmed quickly. When dysregulation happens (tears, shouting, shutting down), they need an adult to help bring them back to calm.
This is known as co-regulation – staying steady yourself so the child can borrow your calm. It doesn’t mean accepting unsafe behaviour, but it does mean showing them how to move through difficult moments with support, not shame.
Teaching emotional language, modelling breathing techniques, and offering safe ways to release energy are all key tools for helping them learn regulation over time.
Helping a Child with ADHD at Home
Home life with a child who has ADHD can be full of joy, humour and creativity – but also chaos, tension, and exhaustion. The key is not to aim for perfection, but to build a home environment that reduces friction and supports your child’s needs.
Daily Routines, Visual Schedules and Transitions
Children with ADHD often struggle with unstructured time or sudden changes. Predictable routines help them feel more secure and less overwhelmed. You can support this by:
- Using visual schedules for the day ahead
- Giving countdowns before transitions (“5 more minutes, then dinner”)
- Sticking to regular wake-up, mealtime and bedtime routines
Consistency isn’t always easy, especially with work and other family demands, but even simple rituals can reduce stress for both of you.
Clear Instructions and Realistic Expectations
Children with ADHD can find it hard to process multiple steps at once. Keep instructions short and specific – for example: “Put your shoes on,” rather than “Get ready.”
Where possible:
- Break tasks into manageable chunks
- Check for understanding
- Repeat calmly if needed
And remember that doing it once doesn’t mean they’ll do it every time. Repetition is part of the process.
Positive Reinforcement and Consistent Boundaries
Rather than focusing on what’s gone wrong, try to catch them doing something right [2]. Acknowledge and reward effort, not just outcome: “You tried really hard to wait your turn – well done.”
Pair this with clear, fair boundaries. Consequences don’t need to be harsh, just consistent. When they know what to expect, they feel safer and more in control.
How to Treat ADHD at Home Without Medication
While medication can be helpful for many children, it’s not the only tool. Home-based strategies can make a huge difference, including:
- Sleep support – consistent bedtime routines and calming activities [2]
- Movement breaks – regular physical activity to release energy [2]
- Diet – balanced meals, regular snacks, and watching for sensitivities [2]
- Calm-down spaces – a quiet, sensory-friendly spot to retreat to
- CBT techniques – teaching emotional awareness and coping skills (with support) [2]
Every small change adds up and you don’t have to do it all at once.
For Parents Thinking: “I Have No Patience for My ADHD Child”
You’re not failing – you’re human. Parenting a child with ADHD can be incredibly demanding. If you feel like you’re always on edge, you’re not alone in that feeling.
It’s okay to take breaks, ask for help, and admit that it’s hard sometimes. You’re allowed to look after your own wellbeing too. In fact, it’s essential, because the more supported you feel, the more capacity you’ll have to support your child.
How to Help a Child with ADHD in School
School can be particularly challenging for children with ADHD. The demands of sitting still, listening quietly, following complex instructions and navigating social dynamics often clash with how they naturally learn and process the world. But with the right support, school can also be a place of growth, connection and success.
Communicating with Teachers and SENCOs
A strong partnership between home and school makes a huge difference. If you suspect or know that your child has ADHD, it’s important to speak with their teacher and the school’s SENCO (Special Educational Needs Coordinator) [2].
Share what works well at home, what your child finds difficult, and any strategies that help. Keep communication open and regular, especially around things like homework, behaviour reports, or changes in routine.
You can also request a SEND assessment, which may lead to additional support or an Education, Health and Care Plan (EHCP) if needed.
Support Strategies in Class
Some children with ADHD may need very little support, while others benefit from specific tools or routines. Helpful classroom strategies include:
- Movement breaks – short opportunities to stretch or walk
- Fidget tools – such as putty, chewable jewellery, or wobble cushions
- Visual instructions – on the board or desk
- Seating arrangements – placing the child near the front, away from distractions
- Positive behaviour plans – focusing on rewards rather than punishments
The aim isn’t to remove all challenges, but to create an environment where your child can stay engaged, feel successful, and enjoy learning.
What Reasonable Adjustments Can Look Like
Under UK law, children with ADHD are entitled to reasonable adjustments at school to help them access learning [3]. This might include:
- Extra time in tests
- Access to a quiet room
- Help from a teaching assistant
- Modified homework tasks
- Use of technology to aid focus
These adjustments are not about lowering expectations, they’re about giving your child a fair chance to show what they’re capable of.
How to Help a Child with ADHD in School
Your role as a parent or carer is key. You can help by:
- Advocating for your child’s needs with school staff
- Reinforcing positive experiences at home (“You tried hard in maths today – that’s brilliant”)
- Preparing them for the day ahead – talking through the schedule, packing bags together, practising social scripts
- Working on emotional resilience – so they feel confident even when things don’t go to plan
When school and home work together, children with ADHD are far more likely to thrive – not in spite of who they are, but because their needs are being recognised and supported.
Discipline and Behaviour: What Works and What to Avoid
Discipline with ADHD isn’t about being stricter, it’s about being clear, calm and consistent. Children with ADHD often struggle with impulse control and emotional regulation, which means they might act before thinking, interrupt, lash out, or forget rules. These aren’t signs of disrespect – they’re signs that your child needs guidance, not punishment.
How to Discipline a Child with ADHD Effectively
Effective discipline focuses on teaching, not punishing. Children with ADHD learn best when they’re calm, supported, and given space to reflect. Some helpful strategies include:
- Giving clear, simple rules with reminders when needed
- Using natural and logical consequences (e.g. “If you throw the toy, it goes away for now”)
- Praising positive behaviour immediately and specifically
- Creating visual charts or token systems to encourage routines and expectations
Importantly, discipline should happen after a child has returned to calm, not in the heat of the moment.
Why Traditional Punishment Rarely Helps
Time-outs, raised voices, and repeated telling-off might stop a behaviour in the short term, but they often lead to shame, confusion, or emotional shutdown in children with ADHD. These responses don’t teach what to do instead – and can damage self-esteem over time.
Children may genuinely not remember what they did wrong or may feel overwhelmed by emotions they can’t yet process. That’s why supportive correction, delivered with empathy, is far more effective than fear-based discipline.
Common Pitfalls: Shouting, Inconsistent Consequences, Emotional Reactions
We’ve all been there: you’re tired, frustrated, and you react. But shouting or showing anger often escalates things. So does changing the rules mid-way or giving warnings you can’t follow through on.
To avoid these traps:
- Try to stay calm and speak slowly
- Follow through on consequences calmly and fairly
- Avoid threats or ultimatums, which can trigger power struggles
- Model the emotional regulation you’re trying to teach
It’s okay to take a moment for yourself before responding. Regulation starts with the adult.
What Not to Do with a Child with ADHD
- Don’t assume they’re doing it “on purpose”
- Don’t take behaviour personally – it’s not about you
- Don’t compare them to siblings or peers
- Don’t rely on harsh discipline – it rarely works long-term
- Don’t forget to notice the positives – they’re still in there, even on hard days
Compassionate boundaries and clear expectations go further than any punishment ever will.
When to Seek Professional Support
Sometimes, even with consistent routines and a supportive home environment, things still feel unmanageable. You might find yourself walking on eggshells, worrying about school calls, or feeling like nothing you try is making a difference. That’s when it can help to reach out for professional support – not as a last resort, but as part of a team-based approach to care.
Signs That Extra Help May Be Needed
Some signs it might be time to seek additional support include:
- Frequent meltdowns that are difficult to de-escalate
- Sleep or appetite issues affecting daily life
- Persistent low mood, anxiety or emotional distress
- Struggles in school despite support
- Difficulties with friendships or social isolation
- High levels of stress or burnout in the family
If your child’s behaviour is consistently affecting their learning, relationships, or wellbeing (or your own) it’s a good time to explore extra help.
How Oxford CBT Can Support Children and Families
At Oxford CBT, we offer tailored support for children with ADHD and their families. Our experienced clinicians provide:
- CBT adapted for ADHD, helping children build emotional awareness, manage big feelings, and develop coping strategies
- Parent support and guidance, giving you tools to manage challenging behaviour with confidence
- Psychoeducation, helping families and children better understand how ADHD affects them
- A compassionate, neuroaffirming space that focuses on strengths as well as challenges
You don’t need a diagnosis in place to begin working with us – we’re here to support you wherever you are on your journey.
Working with Therapists, GPs, and Schools
Support works best when everyone is pulling in the same direction. We regularly work alongside:
- GPs and paediatricians – for referrals, assessments, and medical care
- Schools and SENCOs – helping them understand how best to support your child
- Other specialists – such as occupational therapists or speech and language therapists
Together, we help build a joined-up plan that supports your child across all settings, not just in the therapy room.
Conclusion
Parenting a child with ADHD can be demanding, unpredictable, and at times overwhelming – but it can also be filled with creativity, humour, and a deep sense of connection. If things feel difficult right now, it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. It means you and your child may need more support – and that’s okay.
ADHD is not the result of bad parenting, and it’s not a character flaw in your child. It’s a different way of experiencing the world – one that brings challenges, but also incredible strengths when properly understood and supported.
With structure, patience, and the right kind of help, children with ADHD can build confidence, develop strong relationships, and enjoy success both in and out of school. And as a parent or carer, you don’t have to do this alone. Support is available – for your child and for you.
At Oxford CBT, we’re here to help you navigate this journey with warmth, clarity and expertise. Because every child deserves the chance to thrive – and every parent deserves to feel supported along the way.
References
- ADDitude Mag ‘Untreated ADHD in Adults Causes Depression and Anxiety’ https://www.additudemag.com/untreated-adhd-in-adults-causes-depression-anxiety/?srsltid=AfmBOoooMJu5w4w7NRE56UOqaLgAM0-tFi2Xus8-QtS-G4X58meONnGV
- NHS UK ‘ADHD in Children and Young People’ https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/adhd-children-teenagers/
- Gov UK ‘What are Reasonable Adjustments and How do they Help Disabled Pupils at School?’ https://educationhub.blog.gov.uk/2023/04/what-are-reasonable-adjustments-and-how-do-they-help-disabled-pupils-at-school/
Author – Tom Murfitt
With over a decade’s experience in providing Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Tom has worked in both the NHS and private sector to help adults and children to overcome a range of difficulties and improve their mental wellbeing. In addition to being an experienced CBT therapist, Tom is also an accredited Mindfulness teacher, providing courses locally, in businesses and schools. You can read more about us here.
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