Autism Symptoms in Girls

If you’ve noticed that your daughter seems to experience the world a little differently – perhaps more intensely, or more quietly – it might have raised some questions. She might breeze through academic work but find social situations confusing or overwhelming. Or she might appear perfectly fine at school, then come home and fall apart.

Often, it’s not the loud behaviours that prompt concern, but the quiet patterns: exhaustion after social interactions, a need for rigid routines, or an intense interest that goes far beyond a passing phase. These signs can be subtle, and they often go unnoticed, especially in girls. 

Autism in girls doesn’t always look like the version many people expect. It can be more like a hidden current running underneath the surface – shaping how she thinks, feels, and copes day to day. 

This article is here to help you understand what autism might look like in girls at different ages, how it differs from boys, and what to do if you think your daughter could be showing signs. If, after reading this article, you decide to pursue a diagnosis, we can offer private autism assessments for those in London, Oxford and surrounding areas. 

How Do Autism Symptoms in Girls Differ from Boys?

For years, most of what we understood about autism was based on how it presents in boys [1]. This meant many girls who showed different and often quieter signs were overlooked or misdiagnosed. 

Autistic girls are more likely to mask their symptoms [2]. That means they learn, often instinctively, how to copy social behaviours, rehearse conversations, or mimic their peers to avoid standing out. It may be helpful to think of it like an actress playing a role. The performance might be convincing, but it takes a huge amount of energy behind the scenes.

While boys might show their difficulties outwardly with more obvious repetitive behaviours or social withdrawal, girls often internalise theirs. They may come across as shy, quiet, or anxious rather than obviously “different.”

Some key differences in girls can include:

• Strong social motivation but difficulty maintaining friendships
  
• Intense, specific interests (which may appear more socially acceptable – e.g. animals, books, celebrities)
  
• A tendency to copy others to ‘fit in’
  
• High sensitivity to criticism or change
  
• Masking distress in public, then releasing it at home
  

Because of these differences, many girls aren’t diagnosed until later – often in adolescence, or even adulthood. Recognising the early signs requires a shift in perspective: from looking for what’s typical in autism, to what’s true for each individual girl.

High-Functioning Autism in Girls: Common Signs and Traits

The term high-functioning autism isn’t used as much in clinical settings these days, but it’s still a phrase many parents come across when researching their child’s behaviour. It usually refers to autistic individuals with average or above-average intelligence who can manage everyday tasks – at least on the surface.

In girls, these traits can be particularly well-hidden. Many are bright, verbal, and eager to please, which means their challenges are often masked by their strengths. But underneath that calm or capable exterior, they may be struggling more than anyone realises.

Here are some of the more common signs and traits to look for:

• Masking or camouflaging: Girls may copy how others speak, dress, or behave to avoid standing out. They may study people like a script, rehearsing what to say in different situations.
  
• Intense interests: While boys might focus on trains or numbers, girls may develop deep, all-consuming interests in things like animals, books, fictional characters, or specific people. These interests often go far beyond what’s typical for their age.
  
• Rigid routines: Sudden changes can be distressing. A cancelled plan, an unexpected teacher, or a change in seating at school can trigger anxiety or shutdowns.
  
• Emotional sensitivity: Many girls feel emotions very deeply. They may cry easily, struggle with perceived rejection, or experience overwhelming anxiety, especially in social settings.
  
• Exhaustion after social situations: A full school day of ‘acting normal’ can be draining. You might notice your daughter is irritable, withdrawn, or tearful when she gets home – a kind of emotional “hangover” from masking all day.
  

These girls often go unnoticed because they don’t appear autistic in the way most people expect. But their internal experience can be challenging, confusing, and lonely, especially if no one recognises what’s going on.

What Are the Behaviour Issues of Autism in Girls?

When people think of autism-related behaviours, they often picture loud outbursts or repetitive movements. But in girls, these behaviours can be more subtle, or they may show up in ways that are easily misunderstood.

It’s not about bad behaviour or being difficult. Behaviour is a form of communication – and for autistic girls, it’s often how they express overwhelm, frustration, or anxiety when they don’t yet have the words to explain what’s going on inside.

Some common behavioural traits in autistic girls include:

• Meltdowns and shutdowns: These aren’t tantrums. A meltdown is often the result of prolonged sensory overload or emotional strain. It can look like shouting, crying, or lashing out – but it might just as easily be silent withdrawal or refusal to engage (known as a shutdown).
  
• Rigidity and need for routine: Girls may become very distressed if plans change, if rules aren’t followed, or if things don’t go just so. This isn’t about being controlling – it’s about managing anxiety through predictability.
  
• Sensory sensitivities: Sounds, lights, textures, smells – things that feel neutral to others can be overwhelming. You might see clothing struggles, covering ears in noisy places, or avoiding certain foods because of texture.
  
• Perfectionism and rule-following: Some autistic girls become fixated on doing everything ‘right’. They may be very self-critical or anxious about making mistakes – especially at school or in social situations.
  
• Social burnout: After a day of masking and trying to fit in, your daughter might come home and unravel. This can show up as irritability, emotional outbursts, or needing total solitude to decompress.
  

These behaviours are often mislabelled as being dramatic, overly sensitive, or oppositional. But when you understand what’s behind them, they start to make much more sense.

Signs of Autism in Young Girls (Ages 2–3)

While the previous sections have focused on traits seen in autistic girls more generally, it’s helpful to look at how some of these signs can appear in early childhood, especially between ages 2 and 3. This is often when parents begin to notice small but persistent differences in how their daughter plays, communicates, and connects with others.

Early diagnosis can lead to earlier access to support, which can make a real difference to a child’s development. But getting a diagnosis at this age isn’t always straightforward. There’s a wide range of what’s considered typical in toddler development, and many autistic girls don’t display the more “classic” signs that prompt quick referrals. For this reason, many families are advised to watch and wait while keeping an eye on ongoing patterns.

Here are some early indicators that may suggest autism in a young girl:

• Limited or unusual play – She may prefer lining up toys to playing with them imaginatively, or repeat the same activity over and over without variation. She might show little interest in other children or struggle with turn-taking.
  
• Speech and language differences – Delayed speech can be one sign, but some girls speak on time and still show differences – such as repeating phrases, using overly formal language, or speaking with unusual tone or rhythm.
  
• Separation anxiety – She may become very distressed when leaving a parent or caregiver, even in familiar environments like nursery. While some separation anxiety is expected at this age, unusually intense or prolonged reactions can be a clue.
  
• Emotional reactivity and frequent crying – Small changes or unexpected events might trigger big emotions. She may cry often, seem easily overwhelmed, or struggle to calm down once upset.
  
• Fatigue from overstimulation – Busy environments like playgroups, supermarkets, or family gatherings may leave her tired, irritable, or withdrawn. You might notice she’s calm one moment and suddenly overloaded the next.
  
• Sensory sensitivities – She might avoid certain clothing textures, cover her ears in noisy places, or be bothered by smells or lights that others don’t seem to notice.
  
• Less eye contact or social engagement – Some girls may not respond to their name consistently, avoid direct eye contact, or appear more interested in objects than people.
  

These signs often overlap with typical toddler behaviour, which is why they can be so hard to pin down. But if these patterns persist, or if you notice your daughter is having a harder time than her peers, it’s worth discussing your observations with a health visitor, GP, or nursery staff member. Even if a formal diagnosis isn’t possible yet, early support strategies can still be put in place.

Autism in Teenage Girls: What to Look For During Adolescence

The teenage years can be tricky for anyone, but for autistic girls, this stage often brings a noticeable shift. Many girls who managed to blend in during childhood start to struggle more as social expectations grow more complex, friendships become more emotionally demanding, and academic pressure increases.

This is also the stage when many girls become exceptionally good at masking – consciously or unconsciously hiding their difficulties by copying others, scripting conversations, or staying quiet to avoid drawing attention [2]. But behind the scenes, this constant self-monitoring can be exhausting and lead to what some describe as autistic burnout.

Here are some common signs that may appear – or intensify – during adolescence:

• Increasing school stress or anxiety – Your daughter might appear fine at school but come home completely drained or upset. She may dread school mornings, struggle to keep up with expectations, or develop physical symptoms like stomach aches or headaches. If anxiety is an issue for your daughter, you may wish to read our article about the benefits of Online CBT for Anxiety.
  
• Social withdrawal or surface-level friendships – She may spend time with peers but feel disconnected or confused by social rules. Some girls form one intense friendship that dominates their world, while others may avoid socialising altogether.
  
• Masking and overcompensation – Many teenage girls work hard to hide their difficulties. They may mimic how others talk or dress, rehearse interactions, or appear overly agreeable. Teachers often describe them as “quiet” or “well-behaved,” which can delay recognition of their challenges.
  
• Identity struggles – A growing awareness of being different but not knowing exactly why can lead to confusion, anxiety, or low self-esteem. Some girls become highly self-critical, while others develop rigid personas in an effort to ‘fit in’.
  
• Emotional outbursts at home – After a day of holding it together, emotional energy can spill out at home. You might notice irritability, tears, or sudden withdrawal, especially if plans change or routines are disrupted.
  
• Sensory overload – Crowded hallways, noisy classrooms, or school uniforms can become increasingly difficult to tolerate. She might avoid certain places, wear the same clothes repeatedly, or struggle with grooming routines.
  

These challenges often emerge just as peer comparison and self-awareness are ramping up, making them especially hard for girls to make sense of. If your daughter seems to be struggling more than others her age, and can’t explain why, it might be worth exploring whether autism could be part of the picture.

Mild and Subtle Signs of Autism in Girls

Not all autistic girls fit the image people have in mind when they think about autism. In fact, many don’t – and that’s part of the reason they’re so often missed or misdiagnosed. Their behaviours might seem low-key, quirky, or even advanced for their age, but they’re often signs of an underlying difference in how they experience and process the world.

Below are some subtle traits that may go unnoticed or be misread entirely if you’re not specifically looking for them:

• Strong imagination or fantasy worlds – Rather than struggling with imaginative play, some girls create detailed inner worlds or imaginary friends. This can make autism seem unlikely at first glance, but it may reflect a preference for predictability and control in social play.
  
• Unusual use of language – Your daughter might speak in a way that seems overly formal, unusually precise, or filled with rehearsed phrases. This can come across as charming or advanced but it may actually be a coping strategy for navigating social situations.
  
• Highly compliant or perfectionistic behaviour – Some girls go out of their way to follow rules or avoid getting things wrong. While this may look like good behaviour, it’s often driven by anxiety or a deep fear of being seen as ‘different’.
  
• Mimicking others in social situations – Rather than naturally picking up on social cues, she may be actively copying how her peers talk, dress, or act. This masking can be so effective that it hides genuine social confusion underneath.
  
• Struggling with unstructured time – While some children enjoy free play or downtime, autistic girls may find it stressful. They might hover on the edge of group play, seem aimless when not given a clear task, or retreat into solitary activities.
  
• Fixations on people rather than things – Instead of fixating on trains or dinosaurs, an autistic girl might become deeply focused on a particular classmate, teacher, or celebrity. This intense interest can be misread as typical ‘girl crush’ behaviour.
  
• Avoidance of noisy or chaotic settings – She may seem unusually sensitive to birthday parties, school assemblies, or family gatherings, either by becoming overwhelmed or simply refusing to go.
  

These signs don’t fit the traditional checklist, but they’re no less significant. When viewed in context, especially alongside traits like masking, social exhaustion, or sensory sensitivities, they often form part of a recognisable pattern that points toward autism.

How Undiagnosed or Unsupported Autism Affects Girls

When autism in girls goes unrecognised or unsupported, the effects can build gradually, sometimes quietly, over time. Many girls work incredibly hard to cope with the demands of daily life, often without understanding why things feel harder for them than for others. Without the right support, this effort can take a toll on emotional well-being, school performance, and self-esteem.

Emotional Impact

Girls who mask their differences (mimicking others to fit in, suppressing their preferences, or hiding their distress) often experience chronic anxiety or low mood. This isn’t because they’re doing anything wrong, but because maintaining that effort day after day can be mentally and emotionally draining.

Over time, some begin to feel as though they’re ‘getting life wrong’ without understanding why. This can lead to confusion, perfectionism, or self-criticism, particularly in the absence of a diagnosis or supportive explanation. Studies have shown that autistic girls may be at increased risk of developing anxiety and depression, particularly during adolescence [3,4].

Academic Challenges

In school, many autistic girls perform well academically, sometimes masking their social or emotional difficulties in the process. But challenges often lie beneath the surface. They might struggle with unstructured time, group work, transitions, or the sensory demands of a busy classroom.

Without recognition or reasonable adjustments, these difficulties can lead to fatigue, school avoidance, or feelings of failure. Misunderstandings with teachers may arise if behaviours are misinterpreted as laziness, defiance, or emotional volatility, when in fact they reflect underlying processing or communication differences [5].

Mental Health and Late Diagnosis

When autism is identified and understood, it can be a huge relief – a way to make sense of long-standing challenges and access support. But when it’s missed, particularly during childhood and teenage years, girls can be left feeling isolated or ‘different’ without knowing why. This sense of being misunderstood can increase the risk of depression, social withdrawal, or eating difficulties later on [6].

None of this is inevitable (and diagnosis alone isn’t a solution) but understanding a girl’s needs early can lead to the right strategies, environments, and relationships to help her thrive.

How Can I Support My Daughter if She Shows Signs of Autism?

If you’ve started to notice behaviours in your daughter that make you wonder about autism, it’s natural to have questions and maybe even doubts. The good news is, you don’t need to have all the answers straight away. Support begins with awareness, and simply observing your child with fresh eyes can be an important first step.

Here are some practical ways you can support her:

1. Keep notes of what you’re noticing

Write down specific behaviours or patterns that stand out to you. These might include:

• Struggles with change or transitions
  
• Intense interests
  
• Social withdrawal or difficulty making friends
  
• Sensory sensitivities
  
• Meltdowns or emotional exhaustion after busy days
  

Having a record can help you spot patterns over time and will be helpful if you decide to speak to a professional.

2. Speak to her teachers or early years staff

Educators often see how children behave in different social settings. Ask whether they’ve noticed anything similar. Keep in mind that many autistic girls mask their struggles at school, so what happens at home may not match their school behaviour and that’s worth sharing too.

3. Book an appointment with your GP or health visitor

If you feel your concerns are ongoing, start by speaking to your GP or, for younger children, your health visitor. Bring your notes and be specific about what you’ve observed. You can ask for a referral to a community paediatrician or a neurodevelopmental assessment service.

4. Learn about autism in girls

Autism doesn’t have one face or one pathway. Reading articles like this one, watching talks from autistic women and girls, and exploring evidence-based resources can help deepen your understanding. Knowledge is a powerful tool not just for navigating diagnosis, but for parenting with insight.

5. Focus on your daughter’s needs – with or without a diagnosis

A diagnosis can be a helpful step, but it’s not the only route to support. If you recognise that certain environments or routines are hard for her, you can begin making small changes that reduce stress and build confidence. This might mean more structure, quieter downtime after school, or clear communication before transitions.

Supporting your daughter starts with seeing her clearly and understanding not just what she finds difficult, but what helps her thrive. With the right tools, patience, and professional guidance, you can help her feel understood and supported, whether or not an official diagnosis is part of the picture.

Private Autism Assessments for Girls at Oxford CBT

If you’re looking for clarity, Oxford CBT offers private autism assessments tailored specifically to children and young people, including girls, whose needs and experiences can often be more nuanced or overlooked.

Our team includes experienced clinicians who understand how autism presents differently in girls, and who take the time to build a full picture of your daughter’s strengths, challenges, and daily experiences. We use a combination of clinical interviews, structured assessments, and parent/carer input to ensure any diagnosis – or decision not to diagnose – is made thoughtfully and with care.

Here’s what you can expect:

• A thorough, age-appropriate autism assessment
  
• A clear explanation of the findings and what they mean
  
• A detailed report with practical recommendations
  
• Follow-up sessions or therapy if additional support is needed
  

Whether your daughter is showing subtle signs or experiencing more obvious challenges, we’re here to help you understand what’s going on and what steps to take next.

To learn more or book an initial consultation, please contact us. We’re here to guide you through every step of the process.

Conclusion

Autism in girls doesn’t always follow the expected pattern, which is why many go unrecognised for longer than they should. By understanding the subtle signs and knowing what to look for at different ages, parents can take early, meaningful steps toward support. You may be exploring the idea of autism for the first time or perhaps looking for a more in-depth assessment. Whatever the case, the right guidance can make all the difference.

References

1. Ambitious About Autism (2023) The Gender Gap in Autism. Available at: https://www.ambitiousaboutautism.org.uk/about-us/media-centre/blog/girls-and-autism/gender-gap-autism 
2. Cruz et al. (2024) Is There a Bias Towards Males in the Diagnosis of Autism? A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis. Neuropsychology review. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38285291/ 
3. Mandy, W., et al. (2012). Sex differences in autism spectrum disorder: Evidence from a large sample of children and adolescents. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21947663 
4. Hull, L., et al. (2020). Gender differences in self-reported camouflaging in autistic and non-autistic adults. Autism. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1362361319864804 
5. Tierney, S., et al. (2016). Looked after children with neurodevelopmental disorders – The case for specialist multidisciplinary assessment. Archives of Disease in Childhood. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/03085759221100585 
6. Lai, M-C., & Baron-Cohen, S. (2015). Identifying the lost generation of adults with autism spectrum conditions. The Lancet Psychiatry. https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lanpsy/article/PIIS2215-0366(15)00277-1/fulltext 

Author – Tom Murfitt

With over a decade’s experience in providing Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Tom has worked in both the NHS and private sector to help adults and children to overcome a range of difficulties and improve their mental wellbeing. In addition to being an experienced CBT therapist, Tom is also an accredited Mindfulness teacher, providing courses locally, in businesses and schools. You can read more about us here. 

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